just an idea

so, yea, life is yet again interesting.
Sometimes I know I'm getting older. I realize that I am reaching a point where I need to be on my own and do my own thing.
It's weird because I think a lot of times I try to suppress that feeling and just try to exist according to how I've always existed; yet I do not think that is good enough.
It is kind of like when a bird is first getting it's wings. The mother bird gives it a push and it flies around a bit then it comes back home. It does this several times until finally it builds its wings up to go on long flights around the town. As he flies around, he starts wanting his own things and doing his own things. He realizes that the nest is crowded and that he must go off.
I think as the bird it is a scary but needed thing. He has no clue whats waiting for him but he knows its something that is going to be punctuated by success and failures alike.
I love planning and plotting. I guess its that part of me that wants to control everything. However what I am seeing is that life has a way of doing things like a cycle. We exist according to that cycle and what we go through changes and molds us into human beings.
Home is nice but what one begins to realize is that home for ones parents is not home for oneself. Perhaps I am just on an independent kick, but I think its time to actually be constructive and start leaping into the world.
Hardship, burdens, fear of the unknown, the more I think on these things and pray about them the more I'm not sure if they are bad things. I had a teacher tell me that if there is no stress in my life then I am not doing anything. That sounds silly and when I first heard it I thought to myself that Dr. M is just a vindictive idiot who is just trying to justify the type of work he wants produced in his class. However, I do not feel that anymore.
I see the truth of his words, and though perhaps not fully, I understand a bit of what he was trying to say. Life is difficult and a constant guessing game. We never know whats lurking behind each little twist and curve, but we do know what is stable. The thing to do is balance your life with what is unknown and what is stable.
You know when I look back years from now I want to see times where it was only because of God that I made it through. I want to remember that time I had to trust that the Lord was providing instead of knowing for sure that I was doing it myself.
I see these places all around me like France and New York, California. Yea I have my whole life to see these sights, but why not when I am young. I think we get tied down in this idea that we must go get married and have children then that's it, but there's more. There is so much more. The world is out there and was made for us to explore it. God would not make it so wonderful and mysterious if he only meant for us to stay in one spot.
I want to explore. I want to see the wonders not just watch them on some movie screen.
I want us challenged and deserving of every moment that I exist. Forget restrictions, forget hinderances, I want to go head long into the creation and there I want to find myself. There I want to find God.